Don't worry this is only the beginning
by angel of hamsters
Summary: Hermione lets everything fall down on her. Hiding the pain will not stop it. No Romance,Sex or violence. Only suicidle themes.


**Don't worry.**

Disclaimer: I only own the plot, yadda, yadda… 

Remember kiddies, self-harming isn't worth the scars. It doesn't help no matter how much it feels like it does. Talk to someone, who you can trust not to freak out or spread the news. Counselors suck.

Happy reading.

Chapter 1. Life starts out perfectly.

Hermione walker through the doors of the great hall and sat down next to Ron. "Hiya 'Mione." He said through a mouthful of what appeared to be Tuna.  
"Hi." She replied distractedly.  
" You need to put that thing away Hermione." Harry said. Hermione scowled at him. She had figured out how to make muggle technology work in Hogwarts and was now benefiting from a laptop that was fully equipped with MSN, The Sims and other useful things. "Who is this Saint guy anyway?" Ron said stiffly. Saint was a boy Hermione had met online and had fallen madly in love with. But she wasn't going to tell Ron that. She knew how he over reacted to her talking with other boys. " Must be a real big head to call himself Saint."  
"Oh come on Ron! It's just a user name! It doesn't mean anything. Besides his real name's Antoine." The name brought a smile flickering to her lips. Even though. She had her suspicions to whether or not it was going to work out. He lived in Lebanon and the boy she fancied was a lot more likely. A new boy called John. He kept to himself, with his long brown hair and matching eyes. Eyes that she could no longer look at. If she did Hermione found herself lost in pools of wonder and mystery.

Chapter 2. Until things come into focus.

"Hey mudblood ever heard of straighteners?" A fifth year Slytherin called out. Hermione pushed the comment to one side and carried on down the corridor. She turned round a corner and raced through the open portrait hole. She flung herself onto her bed and drew the curtains. Padma Patil was speaking quite excitedly into a small bottle. _A Weasleys Wizard Wheezes brand 'message in a bottle'. _Hermione thought. If it was secret enough to be kept in a bottle then it was secret enough to be overheard. "I just can't believe that the freak fancies me! Eugh. It makes me feel unclean.John Johnson! Yuck." Hermione felt her heart sink into the inky blackness of some distant part of her body.John Johnson would never be hers. Who'd want the bushy haired know-it-all? Hermione rolled over and cried softly into her pillow. But once again, tears had no comfort. She wiped her eyes and searched for her laptop. She felt relieved when she saw Saints ever-faithful username.

Angel of Books says:

Hi Saint!

Saint468 says:

Hey.

Angel of Books says:

Wat's up?

Saint468 says:

Nothing u need to worry about.

Angel of Books says:

But I do worry if there's something wrong with you. Just like you do for me.

Saint468 says:

: p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p

Angle of books says:

LOL

Saint 468 says:

: p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p

Angel of books says:

Okay that's just not nice.

Saint 468 says:

: p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p

Angle of Books says:  
I love u

Saint 468 says:

: p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p

You cannot send a message to Saint468 because they are not on your allow list

Chapter 3. Then you need a new source of comfort.

Great. So she had no chance with John. Saint had told her the equivalent of "I don't love you". Hermione lay back and stared at the curtains. She didn't cry. What good were tears now? The past months all came back. The abuse, both physical and verbal. The good times with Saint. All her false hopes for John… She reached under her bed and pilled out a set of pencils and some paper. She began to draw feverishly. Trying to find an outlet for the pain that had all been held back and hidden away. _Don't turn away. Don't give in to the pain. Don't close your eyes. You don't know hat lies ahead._ Her pencil lead snapped and she grabbed the sharpener. The glint of the blade caught her eye as she turned the pencil. _You drove him away. If you'd come out of the library and tried to talk…John._ She glanced towards the sharpener. _You caused it. If you weren't such an annoying little bookworm…Saint… _Hermione seized the sharpener and her wand. The screw flew onto the floor and rolled away. She knocked the blade out and dispelled the empty case. She stared at the shining metal. _You caused it. You drove them away._ Now she was staring at the crimson droplets that gently poured from the source of her new comfort.

Chapter 4. Comfort will lead you deeper.

_1 week later._

Hermione was down by the lake alone. Again. Her arm cried gentle crimson tears. She sat alone. In only a week she had successfully moved away from everyone else. No one knew whet she was going through. Sometimes it made things seem better. But people would say something and unintentionally cause more pain. The anger at herself led to the pain in her arm. Which led to more anger at herself, which leads to pain. Anger to pain to anger. A vicious circle that led Hermione deeper into the dark folds of her mind. As she went deeper the cuts went deeper. She looked across the lake where there was a mighty oak. It was tall and easy to climb. It wasn't uncommon for her to sneak out at night and sit at the top of the tree. It was a good place to think. But thinking led to anger.

Chapter 5. Then it's not really comfort.

Padma had been crying. Hermione had suspicions that it was her fault. It always seemed to her fault. _I don't want to hurt people anymore. They'd be better off with out me._ She walked to the tree again. Her arm bled freely through the sleeve of her robes. _I don't deserve this life. _She looked straight up the trunk of the mighty oak. _I feel no trust. No love. No hope. Nothing but pain and depression. _She began to climb. Once branch at a time. Taking her time. Thinking all the way. She leaned out holding onto a branch behind her. _Why?_

This is the end for Hermione. She can't find a way out. All a suicidle wants is to be talked out of it. No one's there for her now.

**Hope you enjoyed it and took my message seriously. If you're thinking "what message?" then put the chapter comments together.**

**AoH.**

**Angel of Hamsters.**


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